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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/5/2009 Posts: 216 Location: Leicester, UK
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Do you live alone?
How do you cope ?
I'm not just talking about emotionally, but practically. What happens when you feel so ill that you can't even get up to make a drink? Does the daily grind of 'living' get you down ?
I read many posts about coping, but people mostly have a partner, children or close family to give them tlc.
There must be many people who live totally alone and have to fend for themselves. How do you do it ?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Ann Monty"I cannot do everything. I accept that. Not being able to do everything is no excuse for doing nothing." ~ Helen Keller
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Morning Ann
I really am very sorry that you are completely on your own and my heart goes out to you, it must be very hard for you indeed.
I was divorced some years back and just have my son of 20 still at home I am very grateful that he is still around, although I really see very little of him, he has a good circle of friends and always out and about and studies at the local uni and has a part-time job so one busy life. He knows how poorly I have been and has been very understanding over the last two years having failed on all the drugs so far, I still try to carry on as best I can, I should ask for help but more often than not he is not here. I try to manage all the chores and being a mum, but it would be lovely for someone to want to cook a meal and do little things like make a pot of tea. Like you I have no support from my family and friends in the home. I really try to remain positive and strong as I m sure you try to do too but it is very difficult when you feel so low. I just think eventually I will improve and then be able to get out again and do things and meet people.
Thinking of you Ann,
Julia xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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hi Ann, It must be so difficult for you. Do you get on with your neighbours? Could you maybe ask them in for a cup of tea and a bun and explain your situation? They might at least knock if they are going to the shops for instance to see if you want anything. Are you a member of a church---great help and support can be got from there. Try getting in something like Wiltshire frozen foods, http://www.wiltshirefarm...EuJyt56kCFYpA4QodBGeCWQ so that you can pop a proper meal into the microwave. (They will also take off stubborn tops if you need a bottle opening!) Agencies such as Age Concern offer practical help so I'm wondering if there might be a similar sort of group near you? Try searching the web, or asking CAB maybe? Let us know how you get on please. YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/7/2009
Posts: 176
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When you do not have a choice, then you do just get on with it! Thinking ahead all the time. EG take extra water upstairs at night, in case you can't get downstairs first thing in the morning. When you can put together a meal, do two and put the other in the freezer. One time when I was already completly whacked out, I dropped the (previously prepared) meal on the floor of the kitchen. I burst into floods of tears, with the WHY ME? sob. But after the sobbing, then you just have to get up off the floor and get on with it! (I still miss having my dog who would have helped me clear the floor)
Given a choice between still being married to my ex-husband, or being on my own - I wouldn't change a thing! Things WILL get better. Either they will find the right drug regime for you, or you will find a way to cope. Your standards might slip, but you learn what is important in life, and live the best life you can.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010 Posts: 1,749 Location: Somerset
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Hello Anne
Sorry to hear that you are living by yourself for whatever reason.
I have my hubby so not by myself. Sorry that you cannot load off to anyone.
Do you have lots of friends, relations. Could you join a club or two perhaps.
Rose x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/5/2009 Posts: 216 Location: Leicester, UK
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Thanks for all your concerned and lovely replies. I think I may have misled you! 
I DO live alone. I am widdowed, but I am very fortunate to have my family here in Leicester; my neighbours are lovely and if I need help they or any member of my family comes like a shot. I don't ask very often because I think it is important to try to manage. After having been host to 'Arthur' for 20 years, I think I have learned most of the 'tricks of the trade' 
It did just occur to me that there must be people who don't have anyone to help and share the load and I wanted to ask how they managed.
Thanks again for your concern.
Warmest wishes, Ann"I cannot do everything. I accept that. Not being able to do everything is no excuse for doing nothing." ~ Helen Keller
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Hi Ann,
Its lovely to hear from you again!
I have PAs that help me out when everyone has gone out and when Richards in hospital for some disaster then my family do step in.
I have friends who have live in carers but I wouldnt like this much and would rather have people paid to come in and leave me with a drink out for the afternoon etc.
I have about 3 hours a day with no one here and I really appreciate that time.
Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/13/2010 Posts: 786 Location: east anglia
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hi, folks, i live on my own with dog,i have 2 kids well 25 & 28 but they have houses of their own i get very miffed with myself if i have to ask for help as i think another bit of independence gone but they are so good to me but i did by chance find a ladies only group through chatting to some older women at a slimming group i go to once a week with my daughter(well its a night out)and they invited me to join them for coffee at a cafe in town so after carefull thought i went and met up and havent looked back, i meet them once a week for coffee and once a week to go to pool areobics,not all go in the water they sit around and chat and then 1 night fat club,we do phone each other to check in sort of thing it is so lovely,by the way i am 54 and the baby of the group,i have a car so do collect and drop off,i get petrol money from them which is so kind,i am lucky alot of these ladies have no one so to take the bull by the horns so to speak and meet up is great i admire them for it and i enjoy the fun, they do act like teenagers and boy can they party,there is all kinds of health problems in the group and always an ear to bend just like on here i have got an extended family and friends,look out for them in groups all over the world called the red hat society i had never heard of it before but glad of them now.check it out on line.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/7/2009
Posts: 176
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What a great group to have found! Well done for taking the Plunge (joke) and meeeting up with them. I'll head off and look for the Red Hat Society
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
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Hi Dorothy. That sounds like a great group you have found. I hope it continues for you. I have joined several things since retiring and although I have less time than I did when I was working I am having a ball.
Sheila x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/14/2011 Posts: 301 Location: South Hampshire
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My mum had to have some help and varying times. She had a carer for 30 mins in the morning to help her shower and dress and get those dreaded socks on!! and make her breakfast. Lunch was delivered hot, but a local service (nice meals) and a drink, they also left a sandwich and chocolate biscuit for tea. Then a carer for 30 mins in the evening, who helped empty bins, tidy up and helped her with the washing in the machine and hanging it out. Also helped change her top into her pyjama top (which looked like a bright shirt - I found these in ASda) and get the socks off - she could manage her elasticated trousers which she swapped for pyjama bottoms later on in the evening. She bought velcro shoes.
They also left out a jug of water in the lounge so she would poor out drinks of water. She had a wheely trolley thing so she could put a cup of coffee on it and wheel it into the lounge to avoid carrying it.
She was pleased as it kept her independence. There were neighbours but not very near... and they kept going off on their boat to the med for weeks at a time!!
I was 6 miles away if she got really stuck, but she hated calling me over!! She had an automatic car so still managed to get out and about, but did all her shopping online and got it delivered to the top of her kitchen table, so she could put things away slowly.
So there are ways of adapting but still being as independent as possible.
I have a homehelp who comes in once a week to clean, iron and change the beds... all the jobs I can't really do. My husband cooks - as I'm not on my own (but housework is not his bag!!!) I also shop online and get it delivered - making them bring it to the kitchen. I also have pyjamas that have buttons at the front, so that I don't have to put things over my head... which I can't easily do. I now tumble dry clothes that would otherwise need ironing!
We could all pool some of our shortcuts and ideas that make life a little bit easier.
Anne xx
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